You’re Not stuck! You’re Distracted..
Have you ever felt like you are stuck in life. For years you have been praying, even decades for the same goals, and they just never seem to manifest. People who you know, who put in less effort than you, younger than you, have less responsibilities than you, seem to have everything they need and get it easier. You say what happen to me? Are the gods against me? Does the universe hate me? Does God hate me..? You’ve been in a job that you want to leave, lose some weight, improve your eating habits, earn more money, get married, write a book, get funding for a project, something in your heart you’ve been working on from God knows when, and you still can’t seem to accomplish it. And the worst part is you’ve cried out many nights, in unimaginable emotional pain, grief even. And as if that is not enough, the unrelenting cycle of hope, then disappointment, hope then disappointment, hope then disappointment, eats away at your confidence and you even start to question yourself your value your worth, why am I even here, because what even is this? Why am I stuck?
You’re not stuck, You’re distracted
But I have good news. You are not stuck, you are distracted. What? Distracted? That is what you’ve come up with Julie? That is your profound revelation? Yes. You’re not stuck, you are distracted.
Because you know your vision, you actually know what it is that you need to do, because in Habakuk we are told to write the vision and make it plain. So you have written down your vision, you have bought books, you have studied the subject of your goal, practiced gratitude and meditation, consulted with the right people, and you’ve bought different colored pens and color coded the different goals, the different stages, at different location, you have project managed your intentions better than any software could. But, when you are finally ready to lock in, and laser focus into action mode, someone comes with an issue, for that is now your responsibility to solve. Their conundrum becomes your Rubik’s cube. Oh I must help Mrs. Mathews because it’s the right thing to do because she needs my help. No, you need your help. Now, don’t get me wrong, community is always good, and we should always help where we can, but my dears you cannot pour from an empty cup. In an airplane when they are giving the standard emergency procedure, you are instructed that if you are traveling with a dependent, you must secure the oxygen mask on your face first then, secure the oxygen mask on your dependent. And it’s good things that you are distracted by. It’s not the obvious bad things, where you can say oh no I am not wasting my time doing that. But not everything that is good, is right. You are not failing, no one is against you, you are not forgotten, you are not stuck, you are distracted.
Distraction can disguise itself as delay, lack of resources, confusion and indecisiveness, heartbreak, a relationship that you are not supposed to be in
Distraction has the shape shifting quality of a demon!
But why do we distract ourselves? I put to you, four reasons why we distract ourselves:
1. Fake progress effect
2. Analysis paralysis
3. Fear of accomplishment
4. External Validation
The fake progress effect is that cognitive ease you get from being busy, accomplishing stuff, but its other peoples stuff. That dopamine rush from pseudo productivity. That is very dangerous and tricky. No one is tricking you, you are tricking yourself, by being distracted.
We engage in something I call analysis paralysis. Where you spend more time in your head analyzing how to get it done rather than in action, getting it done, so you are sas- stuck-at-start. Switch out analysis paralysis with hit the ground running.
Fear of accomplishment believe it or not deep down there is a part of you that fears your greatness that is the same part that doubts your greatness. Fear and doubt are cousins. What if I make it, will I be safe?
External validation happens when we receive praise and fawning admiration from those we help. Oh thank you so much I could not have done this without you, you have helped me so much God bless you. It validates your worth, which is quite different from fulfillment. Validation can come from within if only you focused on your goals.
In the Bible when King David was carrying the Ark of the covenant. The oxen that was pulling the cart carrying the Arc stumbled and the Arc lost its balance. Uzzah put his hand out to help balance the Arc, but God struck him down and killed him right there. When I was younger I used to think, gees well that was uncalled for but. But now I’ve come to realize, Uzzah’s purpose was to guide the oxen carrying the cart, and if you step outside of your purpose even for something good, it will not bare any fruit!
Uzzah and the Arc of the Covenant. 2 Samuel 6:6-7
If you keep getting distracted you can miss your calling or miss your grand opportunity. Now don’t panic, opportunities are abundant and if you miss one, another one will come. But how many times do you want to be broke? You're getting older, how many times do you want to feel stagnant, how many more mornings do you want to barely crawl out of bed, how many times do you want heartbreak, how many times do you want to exist in failure, how many times do you want to have to pick up the pieces. Five years ago, you were in this position and now five years later you're still here. Aren't you tired? You're not stuck you're distracted.
“The Opposite of Distracted is Focused”
That’s a nice word. Really? That’s it? Yes, that’s it. Focus. So now that we dissected distraction, how do we now, new word, listen keenly expertise ourselves in focus. That’s not a real word but its but it gets the point across. How do we now expertise ourselves in focus?
What is focus? Focus is directed attention or concentrated effort toward a specific point, goal, or activity. Why we need focus? Remember the opposite of distracted is focused. So if you do the opposite thing, then you will get opposite results. So because distraction was keeping you stuck, then by reasonable deduction, focus will get you moving.
· Focus, produces progress,
· Focus will show you the right people to connect with,
· Focus will give you new ideas that you never thought of before
· Focus will get rid of envy and jealousy and fill you with joy,
· Focus will break down barriers and put you in rooms you never imagine
· Focus will get you exceedingly abundantly above all that you could ask think or imagine.
So now that we have the secret, the power move. I want you to get ready for your journey and pick up where you left off. You are renewed right now, and this journey is now different. Every minute leading up to right now is the past, and you are moving forward, not distracted but focused. How do you remain focused? Here are eight magical ways:
1. Write your vision make it plain: I’m not even going to talk about how to write goals because you’ve written them!
2. Learn to say no. It’s a mannerly polite full sentence. You’re not selfish, you’re self-considerate.
· If it is a favor that drains you, say no
· A friend makes you uncomfortable say no
· A conversation does not edify you, cut the conversation off. One life to live don’t waste your precious time wondering maybe if you stick around the conversation will get better no it won’t. Your gut feeling never lies.
· When the opportunity doesn’t align with your purpose say no
Saying no protects your focus. Every mal aligned “yes” drains the energy for what truly matters.
· When people want access but not accountability, say no this goes for both professional and personal relationships. Access to you is a privilege, not a right.
· Elevation starts with elimination.
3. Discipline. This might sound cliché, like is that the big announcement Juliet? Yes discipline is when you stick to your plan when it is not so glamorous, the ability to do the same thing every day even if you are jaded, once it is tied to the ultimate goal. That same discipline that you have to show up for your friends, turn that discipline inward to show up for you.
4. Consistency. Consistency is the ability to do the same thing each day to the same degree of quality or efficacy. So discipline might get you to the gym everyday yes, but consistency is making sure that each work out is well structured each time you go
5. Motivation, now notice I did not say motivation at first, because motivation is not something that you create it is something that is generated. You create discipline and consistency then when you start to see results, you become motivated.
6. Accountability. This should be in the form of mentors, NOT friends. Remember, you and your friends are on the same level, so if you want to go further, you must find mentors who are already where you want to go.
7. Celebrate. Celebrate the small wins. The human brain is built to need small celebrations. This chemical reinforcement creates the feel-good hormone called dopamine, which makes you want to keep going — so small celebrations literally build momentum.
8. Rejuvenate. To rejuvenate yourself you need to understand your human needs which are delineated In Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, the first need is Physiological, such as food, water, air, rest, shelter, and health. Next is Safety Needs where you crave stability, safety, and security, like a steady income, a safe home. Then you need Love and Belonging through friendships, intimacy, family, and community. So yes you must be in community, but per your alignment. Feeling accepted fuels emotional balance. Esteem Needs which is self-worth, accomplishment, and recognition. Then Self-Actualization which is the drive to fulfill your potential and your purpose. Do something each day that satisfies these needs in order to create balance and avoid burn-out.
So remember you're not distracted, you're focused
· You have the power within you to achieve your goals
· You don’t lack resources you are clever to see the opportunities midst the chaos
· You are not depressed and downtrodden you are elevated and on the move
· You are not tired you are rested
· You are not confused, you exist in clarity
· No longer are you going around in circles, but you are on that straight lined to success and peace
Today I invite you do give yourself another chance, do things differently, focus, and watch your life change. Thank you!